Those Hiccups

When Paying Bills Make You Think Of Everything That Hurts.

I had a moment. Bills were due and I was trying to figure out how I was going to pay everything. I had to remind myself that Walmart owed me money for this beautiful cabinet that I ordered. The cabinet was cracked when it arrived. It was picked up by a third party freight company.

Weeks passed and here I was staring at all the bills that were due. That’s when I remembered the cabinet I never got a refund for. I was on hold with the customer service department. If bills weren’t enough to deal with,the check engine light for my truck came on. Those unexpected bills that heighten my anxiety and turns everything upside down. Black Friday will not be seeing any parts of me.

As I was waiting for the rep. I skimmed through my emails. When you’re barely getting by sometimes it feels like too much to bare. Tears streamed down my face, my head rested on my wrist-pad. Thanksgiving was yesterday, the boys were with their dad and his family. I briefly thought about my Ex. He isn’t nice to me. A montage played in my head of all the things since our breakup he had done. How mean he was and is to me. Why do I relieve that at times? Maybe because my apartment is eerily quiet. The only sound was the music from being put on hold and the clock ticking.

I was alone and broke. In that moment it felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. I lowered my head and just as I was about to wail the customer service agent voice startled me.

“Are you there”? she asked.

I sat up and wiped my eyes. She told me that my refund should be posting immediately. Immediate and Walmart in the same sentence come on. I asked her to repeat what she just said because we already know those two words; immediate and Walmart are not synonymous with one another. The rep said that if I didn’t receive my refund immediately I should have it within 5 days, but she said that I could almost guarantee an immediate refund.

I snapped out of my funk for a brief moment at least. I was relieved. That was an extra $275 I desperately needed. When I find myself in a financial pickle I remind myself that I have to do better. I am the change and no one is getting in my way, but me. How humbled and thankful I am.

I do acknowledge that I suppress my feelings when I think about my financial situation or my Ex. Maybe I should take a moment and cry my eyes out, and swing at the air like Cuba Gooding Jr. did in Boys In The Hood when Ricky died. Maybe I should talk to someone, my masseuse once suggested. She feels all of the stress in my body. That’s a good idea, but I will not waste any money talking about a man that never valued me. I can’t change the past or the man I have kids with. I can however, change the way I react to pitfalls, disappointments, and those hiccups.